33 "Peter Has His Looks [His G00D Looks]" - Dick Dag In Response To Fred Carney's Poking And Prodding About The State Of My Life In 2005 ("What's Up With You?", Fred Asked, Meaning Why Don't You Have A Wife, Kid, And Career. Then Gery Looked At ME And Said, "Fire On Him! [Punch Fred In The Face]"))
This idea of nice guys finishing last doesn’t apply only to income but in many other areas, including sexual selection. Reproduction is a highly competitive domain.The Pareto distribution is a “power-law probability distribution” that is observed in many forms of human interaction. It is also known as the 80/20 rule meaning that 80% of the wealth is in possession of 20% of the population. It is widely speculated that the Pareto distribution even applies to sexual attraction, but this is a very difficult area to gather empirical data for. If the Pareto distribution does apply to attraction, this would mean that 20% of males receive 80% of female attention. This would hypothetically occur on the female’s end as well, and evolutionary history is very clear that females are usually the ones that select their mates. On another column, in which I wrote about the economics of dating, I relayed the evolutionary history of female selectivity with regards to sexual selection:
I Was In This 20%. Read Below.
My Face* Has Attracted Many, Many, Many Girls Over The Course Of My Life (White Girls, Blacks Girls, Hispanic Girls, Asian Girls, Polynesian Girls, Etc.). However, Because I Was Diffident And Sexually Repressed (Fearful Of Females And Fearful Of Sex) I Never Capitalized On The Sexual Opportunities That My Symmetrical, Finely Featured, Blemish-Free Face Offered ME. Now, Why Was I Diffident And Sexually Repressed. Well, I Believe I Inherited The Genes That Incline One To These Psychological And Behavioral Traits And Was Exposed To An Environment (e.g. Authoritarian Parenting And Religious Upbringing) That Further Built On These Innate Traits. Before I Continue Writing This Paragraph Let ME Mention That This Sexual Phobia Has Had A Long Term, Negative Impact On My Life. It's Led To My Alcoholism And My Alcoholism Has Led To My Incarceration And My Incarceration Combined With My Alcoholism And Pessimistic, Nihilistic Outlook On Life Has Lead To My Current Situation (Not Reaching My Potential In Life And Currently Live With And Among Uneducated, Low IQ, Lower Class People).
*Actually Gad Saad, It Was My Unique (In Relation To The Environment I Was Raised), Attractive Face Combined With My Reserved Disposition, Affable Personality, Athletic Ability, And Status Among My Peers That Attracted All Of Those Females In My Teens And Twenties.
The Guatemalan Girl With Her Back Turned To The Camera, Facing ME Was In Her Late 20s At The Time And Worked For My Father.
Across the country, therapists are now seeing a tide of young people, feeling immense shame and pain about their sexual urges, desires and behaviors, as these young people encounter the wide world of sexuality available outside the confines of these moral fantasies. The youth can use their smartphones to see all the sex they want, or they enter college, where they find that their newfound freedom is exhilarating and intimidating. One young man I saw a few years ago was an 18-year-old college student, deeply afraid that he was addicted to masturbation. He was only masturbating once a week, but because he’d grown up in a family where any sex outside monogamous marriage was sinful and condemned, his quite normal sexual behavior was experienced with deep shame and fear.
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Sexual shame is not solely a religious issue, but it is in the religious communities where we are now seeing this problem reach epidemic levels. Atheists who watch porn rarely report concerns or problems with it, while the strength of a person’s religious beliefs and moral condemnation of porn, predicts that they will feel addicted to porn, regardless of how little they watch. Religious people are at heightened risk of developing sexual disorders and feeling at a loss to deal with them or get help. Sadly, when people within religious communities seek help for their sexual concerns, they are most often told to suppress or “battle” their sexuality, or sent to pseudotreatments such as sex or porn addiction programs, where their sexual desires are portrayed as a form of sickness. Shame creates a feedback loop of pain, fear, dysfunction, and self-hatred, which is the true root of most sexual problems.
I Have Limited Time Right Now, But When I Get To A Computer Tomorrow (09/31/23) I'll Highlight The Most Pertinent Paragraphs In These Essays. In The Meantime, Read Them.
If you are a member of a religious or cultural group that frowns on sexual intercourse, the fact that you follow those teachings does not indicate a phobia. However, phobias can develop when people transition from one set of beliefs and practices to another. Lingering guilt, self-doubt, or fear of breaking the old ways may heighten the risk for phobias.
I Suffered From All Three Of The Above Conditions In My Teens And 20s (Fear Of Females, Fear Of Nudity, Fear Of Sex), Hence My Lack Of Relationships And Sex With The Opposite Sex!
I Was So Sexually Ashamed As A Child, Teen, And Early Adult (20s) That I'd Often Feel Uncomfortable With My Shirt* Off (Whether In Public Or Private), Especially If There Was A Female(s) Nearby. The Thought Of Being Naked In The Presence Of A Male Or Female During This Period In My Life Was Terrifying And Being Nude And Alone With A Female Was Completely Inconceivable. Needless To Say, I Didn't Have Sexual Relations With A Female Until I Was 30-Years-Old.
*This is a rare photo because it's one of the few times at this point in my life in which I'm shirtless in public! From birth until about age 30 I rarely exposed the flesh of my upper body in public.
Fear of nudity (or, more commonly, a fear of sex) can also be brought about by being raised in a conservative culture or religion that frowns on nudity and sexual expression.
This pathological terror to see a naked body, including his own, can cause great interference in the most intimate planes of the person, which can deny to maintain physical or sexual contact, due to the anxiety that causes the idea of having to be naked in front of someone and that someone else is in the same state of nudity.
In the same way, a gymnophobia will avoid encountering situations that involve having to take off your clothes, such as showering in a changing room with more people or even going to certain medical check-ups.
Sammy (the part Hawaiian handyman from Hauula), I'm FRIGID* because I'm genetically wired to be socially reserved and sexually inhibited and this genetic disposition was further cultivated by the authoritarian parenting style my father employed and the religious upbringing my mother inculcated me with (the Catholic guilt she imbued in me). Sammy (the part Hawaiian handyman from Hauula), Tela Girl seems to be the exact opposite (FORWARD, FLIRTATIOUS, and FREAKISH). I immediately recognized this Sammy when I noticed her not taking her eyes off of me (staring seductively at me), dancing erotically (gyrating her hips with her back to me so that her buttocks would bounce and sway), and speaking lewdly (e.g. 'lemme see it [your penis]') while sitting on a porch next to her Tongan female friend. I mention this to you Sammy because she fits the description of females employing a short-term mating strategy to a T (the description on pages 27-29 in the pages below).
*I overcome my FRIGIDity through self-medication (the heavy use of alcohol and drugs).
In speed of sexual maturation, the older literature and ethnographic record suggested that Africans were the fastest to mature and Orientals slowest with Caucasian people intermediate (e.g., French Army Surgeon, 1898/1972). Despite some complexities this remains the general finding. For example, in the United States,blacks are more precocious than whites as indexed by age at menarche, first sexual experience, and first pregnancy(Malina, 1979). A national probability sample of American youth found that by age 12, 19 percent of black girls had reached the highest stages of breast and pubic hair development, compared to 5 percent of white girls (Harlan, Harlan, & Grillo, 1980). The same survey, however, found white and black boys to be similar (Harlan, Grillo, Coroni-Huntley, & Leaverton, 1979).
Subsequently, Westney, Jenkins, Butts, and Williams (1984)found that 60 percent of 11-year-old black boys had reached the stage of accelerated penis growth in contrast to the white norm of 50 percent of 12.5-year-olds. This genital stage significantly predicted onset of sexual interest, with over 2 percent of black boys experiencing intercourse by age 11. While some surveys find that Oriental girls enter puberty as early as whites (Eveleth & Tanner, 1990), others suggest that in both physical development and onset of interest in sex, the Japanese, on the average, lag one to two years behind their American counterparts (Asayama, 1975).
In contrast,African-descended people are more permissive than Caucasians. Reiss (1967) observed this with several hundred black and white university students in the United States on scales measuring premarital sexual attitudes (e.g., approving of or feeling guilt about petting and intercourse in casual and romantic relationships), results replicated with other samples and measuring instruments (Heltsley & Broderick, 1969; Sutker & Gilliard, 1970). Johnson (1978) also compared black and white premarital sexual attitudes and behavior and included a Swedish sample who were expected to be (and were) more permissive than American whites.The black sample (particularly males) were found to have had intercourse earlier and with a greater number of casual partners, and with less feelings of guilt or distaste, than either white sample.In a study of sex fantasies, Price and Miller (1984) found that black men and women had higher mean frequencies than white men and women, and that whites more than blacks were prone to feel guilt for having them.
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A French Army Surgeon (1898/1972) also provided early observations that, in speed of sexual maturation, Orientals < whites < blacks. Several subsequent studies are confirmatory. In the United States, blacks are more precocious than whites as indexed by age at menarche, first sexual experience, and first pregnancy (Malina, 1979). A national probability sample of American youth found that by age I2, I9% of black girls had reached the highest stages of breast and pubic hair development, compared to 5% of white girls (Harlan, Harlan, & Grillo, I980), although the same survey found white and black boys to be similar (Harlan, Grillo, CoroniHuntley, & Leaverton, 1979). Subsequently, Westney, Jenkins, Butts, and Williams (l 984)found that 60% of I I-year-old black boys had reached the stage of accelerated penis growth in contrast to the white norm of 50% of 12~-year-olds. This genital stage significantly predicted onset of sexual interest, with 2.2% of the black boys experiencing intercourse by age 11.While some surveys found that Oriental girls enter puberty as early as whites (Eveleth & Tanner, 1976), others suggest that in both physical development and onset of interest in sex, the Japanese, on the average, lag 1.5 to 2 years behind white Americans (Asayama, 1975).
There is evidence that biologic changes differentially control behavior across the races, the direction being Orientals< whites< blacks. Inspection of Figs. 1 vs 2 and 3 in Udry and Morris (1968), for example, shows a higher periodicity, or midcycle/menses coital ratio, for blacks than for whites. Westney et al. (1984)found that biologic maturation predicted sexual interest in black I I-year-old boys, although not girls. Previous authors have reported the relationship for black girls. Thus Presser (1978) noted that for blacks, but not for whites, age at menarche predicted the onset of dating, and in blacks and whites age at first date predicted age at first intercourse.Goodman, Grove, and Gilbert (1980) found age at menarche predicted age at first pregnancy in several groups in Hawaii, with the prediction being significantly less in Orientals than in Caucasians.
TELA GIRL WOULD TEND* MORE TOWARDS BLACK SEXUALITY (The black sample (particularly males) were found to have had intercourse earlier and with a greater number of casual partners, and with less feelings of guilt or distaste) WHILE I'D TEND MORE TOWARDS THE ORIENTAL SIDE OF THE SEXUAL SPECTRUM (INHIBITEDNESS).
“In our primate evolutionary ancestors, females were indiscriminate mates. However, as evolution progressed, females became increasingly selective. The issue of mate selection is incredibly difficult, especially when there are so many options.Our smart female primal ancestors decided they would let the males fight it out and mate with those males who rose to the top. In short, primate mating evolved to become based on a hierarchy of competence.”
This means that female sexual selection is predicated on the male dominance hierarchy, and that females desire mates in the upper stratas of that hierarchy. When you understand this predisposition, it makes sense why the Pareto distribution would apply to attraction and it becomes extremely obvious why nice guys finish last.
It makes sense from a pragmatic point of view; our early human ancestors primarily operated in tribes.In order to guarantee survival, tribes had to operate in a way where those who would be the strongest leaders were promoted up the chain of command. It would not make sense to promote agreeable men to leadership roles in a survival situation; it would increase the chances of collapse. The tribes that made this mistake led to the further sustaining of the hierarchy-oriented neurocircuit through the process of natural selection.
Oftentimes, when a man sees yet another bombshell on the arm of a dude who from all appearances is a complete d-bag, he is compelled to shake his fist at the sky and wonder if there is any justice in the world. “What does she see in him?” he asks in exasperation.
The poser of this question is often a self-proclaimed “nice guy” who doesn’t understand why men of his breed so often seem to finish last while the moronic tools of the world get the girl. To him it seems that his niceness is at the root of the problem, somehow repelling women who inexplicably prefer to date jerks. But the problem is not that this man is a nice guy, but that he’s allowed niceness to travel down the slippery slope into weinerdom.
Too many men use their niceness as a cover for the fact that they’re in fact insecure. It’s this lack of confidence and swagger that kills their chances with the ladies, not their well-mannered ways. Men often set up a false dichotomy. You can either be an arrogant jack ass or a demure nice guy. But there is a middle a ground, the combination women are truly looking for: the extremely confident gentlemen.
Diagnosing the Problem
While men and women are outwardly quite civilized these days, imprinted on their genes are thousands of years of evolutionary experience, hard wiring from our nomadic hunter/gatherer days. Such wiring leads our genders to prefer certain things in the other. Men seek out young, big breasted, wide hipped women not simply because they’re shallow, but because a man’s inner caveman looks to these characteristics as signs that a woman can produce numerous and healthy progeny.And women look to big, strong, confident men because somewhere deep inside they seek the protection and security those characteristic once provided in primitive society.
So where does that leave the scrawny guy? Banging his head against the cave wall? Must he labor to become a beefcake to attract the ladies? For him, happily not. The need to be physically strong, while still very desirable to many women, is definitely not the deal-breaker it was for our ancient ancestors. Yet the female desire for strength has not dissipated; instead, it has largely shifted to a man’s inner appeal. You don’t have to be a man gorilla to win a woman’s heart, but you do have to be one supremely confident dude.And fortunately, this is within the reach of any man.
Once again, the results were unfortunate: Those candidates with higher levels of agreeableness were much less likely to get fast-tracked, especially if they were male. (Women were slightly less likely to get picked for promotion regardless of their personality.)
This suggests that nice guys finish last because people are subtly biased against them.Although agreeable people are less likely to get fired, and are just as likely to supervise others, they appear far less effective at negotiating pay increases, thus suggesting that the main financial benefit of disagreeableness is a willingness to stubbornly fight for what's wanted, even if it makes others uncomfortable. In addition, the researchers argue that agreeableness is particularly costly for men because it violates our gender expectations. Since we assume men will selfishly pursue their interests -- please pardon the lazy generalizations -- we tend to look down on those who do not, which leads to a "backlash" against unselfish and altruistic men. In other words, we expect the worst and punish the best.
One of the reasons I don't have success with females and why I'm childless. (Religion, discipline (physical and mental abuse), and suppression (an unconscious suppression of my sexual drive by my father and brothers) have led to my current sexless and childless state.)
Genetically Based Personality Traits (i.e. My Predisposition Towards Sexual Conservatism) Led To My Religious Indoctrination And Near Religious Fanaticism As A Child, Teen, And Young Adult!
