Stammering Hank

I went before this G00K* today and as I usually do during public talks, I fumbled over my words and didn't speak in a clear-cut way (my jumbled thoughts gave way to imprecise speech). Why? Read the below paragraph. I cower before authority** and suffer from social anxiety, both of which impede my speaking ability. Plus, like a non-native English speaker attempting to understand English, I'm unfamiliar with Hawaii's procedure regarding legal representation (in California you're provided legal counsel at your court date, in Hawaii you have to hunt down legal counsel and beg them to represent you). I WON'T BE APPEARING AT MY NEXT COURT DATE. WHEN I RETURN TO CALIFORNIA IN ABOUT A MONTH I'LL BE CALLING AND EMAILING THE HONOLULU COURT TO MOCK THEM.

*A G00K public defender in his 30s with the last name of Cho seemed to have been laughing at me. Poor me. And the white/Pilipina court reporter (she's attracted to me, but I find her homely) said under her breath, "he raped me." Fear and anxiety lead my mind to race, my heart to pound, and my mouth to dry, all of which negatively impact my speaking ability.

**The G00K said, "wannabe [wannabe academic, wannabe attorney]" which was an indirect reference to me, and when outside of the courtroom, looked at me while she was on the phone. When she returned to the courtroom and I went before her she pointed at the area between her eyes for what seemed to be at least 30 seconds hinting at the fact that I may be shot between the eyes at any time!

A mostly Filipino, but part Hawaiian looking male in his late 20s-early 30s in a police uniform began following me on foot as I passed the Queen Emma side driveway of The Cathedral of Saint Andrew. He then bypassed security and waited for the elevator to the right (in the above picture). A black male that was standing in front me in the security checkpoint line waited for that same elevator. When the two of them entered the elevator, I followed behind them and stood in front of them inside of the elevator. They both exited the elevator on the 3rd floor while I stayed until the 7th. What was the male in a police uniform suggesting? That he was sent by someone to follow me. What was the black male suggesting? That he was working in tandem with the male dressed in a police uniform and that they had evil intentions. Evil lives here!

 I'm not a good public speaker and that's because I lack confidence in my speaking ability. So, when I speak within a group setting my voice sometimes quivers and I sometimes speak in a halting manner. This isn't because of a speech impediment, but because of (as I've previously stated) my lack of confidence in my speaking ability. People who are unfamiliar with me may mistake my shaky, slightly stammering speech as lack of fluency with the English language or as an attempt to sound 'white' (pronounce words in a 'white' manner), but they're WRONG!

https://x.com/robkhenderson/status/1311797754369376258 https://x.com/robkhenderson/status/1766569165312209052

(Stuttering: An Evolutionary Hypothesis – Genetics; Species; Hierarchy; Social Role; Individual; Specialization; Self-Suppression – Understanding Dysfluency) 

She unconsciously made reference to speaking ability because she's probably wondering why an attractive, intelligent, athletic guy like me walks the streets and appears homeless!

 

P.S.

(16) Rob Sica on X: ""Friendship seems more like an insurance plan designed to kick in when you need it most rather than a system of balanced exchange." https://t.co/vbS3GQFelw" / X

MY NEXT BLOG POST ON THIS BLOG THINGS THEY WOULD NOT TEACH ME OFF IN COLLEGE WILL CONCERN FRIENDSHIPS AND IT'LL INCLUDE EXCERPTS FROM THIS BOOK Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships: Dunbar, Robin: 9780349143576: Amazon.com: Books AND THIS BOOK Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond: Denworth, Lydia: 9780393651546: Amazon.com: Books. I'LL TRY TO HAVE IT DONE BY FEBRUARY.

(6) Steve Stewart-Williams on X: "Why would natural selection favor a tendency to help unrelated friends, even when they won't find out? Fascinating new research on the evolution of altruism from my former Daly-Wilson labmate Pat Barclay. https://t.co/GvFgCRP1Os https://t.co/8F7XwP6mMg" / X

(15) HBES on X: "In the January Issue: Sex differences in friendship preferences https://t.co/cFn8LsN6hG! https://t.co/XcSiw32VoI" / X

https://x.com/robkhenderson/status/1662149002614415360